my heart

When the nurse tells you somethings not right with your heart and they want to order all kinds of monitors, you panic. It is something I felt was happening for a while and I told my docs about it. I went to the cardiologists but my appt to see my rheumatologist isnt till 2 more weeks then he will tell me what the results were. The problem is that since my appt. my heart is getting worse. The nurse says it jumps from 90 to 114 the 90 to 120 and so on in a matter of seconds. It is beating all over the place. I want to know whats wrong. Im scared and I hope that there is some pill that can control it or fix it or something. Im 28 freakin yrs old I shouldnt have heart attacks and heart problems at my age. I should be strong and all those things young people are, i feel old. This only happens to older people. Im angry and betrayed by my own body. Im usually positive but lately it seems like things arent controlled. Just when I felt i had learned to cope with DM and now this. How much can one person handle. Thats what i hate about DM is you cant control it.Its so freakin unpredicatable. when I called the one person other than my husband im closest to to tell them they said they had to go they were busy. To busy to hear that im freakin out and i think im gonna die! I probably wont but i feel like it because your heart is precious and when you lose power over the heart its bad. i tried to ignore it and believe it was in my head and to actually hear it is scary. Its like being diagnosed for thefirst time with DM all over again. I HATE PREDNISONE! Stupid drug that saves my life kills me too. HOW IRONIC!

THANKS

I never knew how much this blog would help. When I find others out there that share my same worries and experiences I feel like i'm not alone. others just dont seem to understand what DM is or does. They dont know the effects of the meds and the mental and physical aspects. I cry when I read other blogs with people experiencing the usual weakness, longing to do more, frustrated with the meds etc... All I can say is I understand, I know. I may not know them personally but I share their experiences. I am motivated by their testimonies and I want to say thank you to anyone out there that is brave enough to share them. I hope that my blog helps others and I can truly say that those blogs have helped me. Though it may feel like we are the only ones on the planet with this WE ARE NOT ALONE.

so far so good

Ive seen the high risk docs and the reg. ones but im afraid to see my rheumatologist, he was the one to diagnoseme and has been my doc since then. I know he is gonna be disappointed because of the dangers for me and baby. So far so good the docs say baby is fine, but with patients with DM there is a higher possibility baby could die even after its born. The nurses that check me @home weekly have said im having probs w/my heart. I use to be on over a hundred mg of prednisone and could cope but now 10mg gets my heart beating. I dont know if the DM has weakened my heart because it is a muscle and therefore can be affected. Does anyone know how long people with DM usually live for? cuz my fear is that as i get older & body naturally gets weaker and w/DM its probably going to be worse. I guess only time will tell. So far so good.

no words

Well im pregnant and have dm. the first time around i wasnt scared i felt id risk death to have a child and if God allowed me to get pregnant i would and I did. For some reason this time im nervous. They told me this could make me worse or better i already know all this. I know the risks yet i push myself i test it.You'll probably think im crazy for doing this again. I sometimes think im crazy. I went to the docs and the baby is healthy and has a normal beat. Here goes. Sometimes healthy women have problems or worse during pregnacy and sometimes sick woman do just fine. I did pretty good w/my son. My mind is racing. My legs hurt. I can only take this day by day. I will prove that anything is possible and dm will not take my happiness.