a new place

i hadnt posted in a while. i guess i wanted 2 forget that i had this thing plagueing my life in the back ground. Im way better so therefore i dont want to deal with "things". Now I come across a new barrier than ive never dealt with before. I havent been with my husband for some time now, and im scared. He knew me before i was sick when i was strong young confident and all those things. Im scared people wont understand me, love me, wanna deal with me cuz sometimes i dont wanna deal with me. I want people to accept me for me and not look at me as a girl with a condition,handicap, or whatever. So I dont want to tell them at the beginning but than I feel like a liar. They might think of me as a "normal" girl who can always get up and go. Like I use to be. BEfore I fell sick. So I dont tell them. I dont want to be labeled. Will someone love me despite this DM. Im moody cuz of meds, I cant do things most 28 yr old girls do, i live by blood tests, and meds. I feel soo good cuz I had my children that are healthy, and i tied my tubes cuz i dont wanna risk me dying or kids being born with problems, and I think i have my hands full with 2. they r the reason im doing so good they give me life, but as i type this with my 3 week yr old in my arms. i cringe. did i make a mistake because i cant be the mommy i wanted to be? the one i want 4 them. am i selfish? my 3 yr old boy knows how to take mommys blood pressure and gets me things when i cant. he needs to be a child not worrying about mommy being sick.